Have you ever had something happen to you in public and you
think to yourself – I bet the people witnessing this will tell their family
about this at the dinner table tonight?
Here is one such tale.
When my boys where about 6 and 8 years old I had to bring
them with me to my dermatologist appointment. Yes, I know, you’d think that
after being a parent for this long I would know better. In my defense my doctor
had mentioned that I’d be done in a matter of minutes. Apparently I was delusional about my children’s
ability to sit quietly with a book. More importantly I had forgotten that my
children need merely seconds to mortify me.
*WARNING TO THE SWEAMISH* There is mention of a scalpel
The boys sat in the exam room with me while I waited for the
doctor. I was just there to have some skin tags removed from my back. I didn’t
even need to change into a gown. After a quick hello to the nurse and doctor (whose
skin is perfection) the doctor simply lifted up the back out my shirt and asked
me to round my back. Just as she picked up the scalpel and started to remove
the first skin tag both of my boys jumped out of their chairs and started grabbing
and poking at my belly exclaiming “Why is it all mushy”, “Has it always been
this way” ? “No mom really, it’s muuuushy”! There was no stopping them.
Without missing a beat my doctor replied “I’m pretty sure
the two of you have something to do with it”.
As I walked out of the office I thought to myself – At least
the nurse will have a funny story from work to share at the dinner table tonight.
Oh, mama, I hear you on this one - though my humiliation was mine alone, thankfully. One day when I was feeling particularly depressed about my post-baby-bearing body, my 3yo pointed at my belly as I was getting dressed. She made a disgusted face and pronounced, "Ew. Yucky."
ReplyDeleteI now get dressed in the bathroom. Alone.
There is nothing like having someone, point at your gut and declare it yucky and mushy. File this under "Things not mentioned in parenting books".
ReplyDeleteAren't kids wonderful?! My 5 yo DD loves to come in the bathroom with me while I am doing my hair and putting on make-up. She looks up at me and waits for me to offer her lip gloss and blush. However while she waits, she tears my self esteem to shreds..."Mom, you need to do butt crunches" "Mom, what is that bump on your face" "Mom..." Thanks wonderful daughter haha.
ReplyDeleteDani
@suburbiainterrupted
http://suburbiainterrupted.com
O.M.G. The fact that she even knows about "butt crunches" and what they're for is hysterical.
ReplyDeleteMy 11 year old perked up yesterday when a Clinique commercial came on advertising a serum to "banish those dark circles under your eyes." "Hey, Mom. You should get that," she said, oh so, matter-of-factly.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, Darling. Ellen
I can totally relate.. except my humiliation was by my own father. The day after I gave birth to my third my shirt was pulled tight behind me by my oldest. My father lifted up my tummy flap.... and said "Oh your poor tummy" I was speechless.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Oh wow, now that is something!
DeleteI haven't been good about blogging but I appreciate your kind words.
My teenage boy response to most of my comments to him (on a daily basis), but mom you're 51.
ReplyDeleteOh, mine are all kinds of giving to me.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, two teen boys "Mom. Want me to show you how to do burpees? They're really good for your stomach and butt and woggly arms and ..."
xo